Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Letting the good outweigh the bad...

Well its Dec 31st 2014, which means my Facebook newsfeed is jam packed with New Years resolutions, anti-New Years resolutions, jokes about resolutions, introspective posts about years in review, and jokes about new Gym go-ers who curl in the squat rack.

I find that this is the easiest time to dwell on all that went wrong in 2014. Its when I find myself looking back on the year and picking out all of the struggles which memory can amplify. So for every struggle I list an achievement, or joyous moment for the year in my head so I don't allow myself to dwell too much on hard times that have past.

I'm not saying I'm an expert at this by any means. But here's a practice run for ya..

I am listing all of the amazing things that were accomplished this year...

1)I became pregnant as a surrogate mother for a friend.
http://iamjustthemessenger.blogspot.com


2) Emma had her first birthday!


3) Hunter turned 3!


4) Jason worked extremely hard full time, as well as passed all of his years classes as a full time student.

5) We visited family in Minnesota!


6) I delivered baby Alaya healthfully into this world and into her parents arms.


7) I spoke publicly on Surrogacy and was able to educate others on the journey.

8) I was able to participate in an "Indigenous Rising" protest in Humboldt at the injustice of firing the Native American student representative Dr. Jaquelyn Boleman.



9) On my birthday I was ceremoniously awarded my first feather that I am allowed to wear in my hair and display for my acts of extreme generosity in surrogacy.


10) My photography took an artistic turn with my awesome "Bearded Man" project. Introducing me to the bearded Movement society.

11) I was able to enjoy Disneyland with my children, mother in law, husband, and parents as a celebration of the completion of my surrogacy.

12) I continue to be floored by the amount of people who seek me out as a source of information and comfort on the surrogacy front. I receive contact from women and men all over the world with questions and I am blessed to be able to answer all of them.

13) I had the amazing opportunity to participate in the 4th Trimester Bodies Project. It was incredibly empowering, and helped me embrace my post-childbirth body.



And now...I will take a moment to honor my years struggles..but not dwell on them.

1) Our landlord raised our monthly rent by $300 so that our rent is now 2550 a month. (Yes you read that correctly.)

2) I have still been unable to find full time work in order to help my husband with financial needs.

3) Jason's company begins a strike as of this coming week which is likely to force us out of our home. This comes after his company cut their hourly pay by 15$ an hour.

And I am so lucky that those 3 things are the only negative parts to this year for me.

I sincerely hope 2015 will bring me employment in the surrogacy arena, and stability for my family..and maybe even to be a surrogate again! Jason and I are extremely lucky to have friends and family who support and love us as we continue to enjoy life!


Thursday, December 18, 2014

An open letter to New Dads...

Congratulations Dad!!

How do you feel? Overwhelmed? Scared? Totally and completely in love with the tiny being you helped create in your arms? Life is truly an amazing and wonderful thing. No doubt you and your love are exhausted (her especially) after working together to bring this little one earth side. There are so many blogs, and journal writings about the beginning of parenthood. About its hard times, and about the precious moments that will bring you to your knees. This letter is to you...the father.

I want to ask that you hold this moment tenderly in your heart, and take in what I am going to say. Your wife, girlfriend, love, is about to go through one of the hardest realizations of her life. The realization that her body will never again be the same. Think about this for a moment. Maybe she was thin her entire life, and her belly remained small. Maybe she has always been on the larger side. Some women do indeed look very much the same that they did before giving birth, short months after they gave birth, but I am going to be very honest when I say that those women are very rare and genuinely lucky and blessed with good genes.

Most of today's society puts an insane amount of pressure on moms to "snap back" to their original form after giving birth. "Loose the baby weight fast!" or "Wear this waist trainer after giving birth to get your waist line back!" are commonly heard by post partum moms. The truth is giving birth, though natural, is something the body needs TIME to recover from, and by recover I don't mean loose weight. I mean time to stop bleeding...time to rest...time to allow her muscles to heal and begin the long stages of shrinking from being so stretched...time to allow stitches (either from a c-section or an episiotomy) to heal. Time to embrace motherhood and the responsibility of keeping a baby alive.

I have had 3 children. I am currently 4 months post partum and I will tell you that I do loose the weight that I gained during pregnancy very quickly...but the one thing that has never returned to pre-birth is my stomach. My skin will forever be stretched. It will forever be scared. It will forever be loose and tucked under the buttons of my mom jeans. I beg of you new dads... look at your darlings in this new light, see her stretched skin, her scars as a reminder of the agony she went through to bring you that little one in your arms. When you lay together again to make love and she tries to hide her changed body, reassure her how her body is now sexier to you because she is a WOMAN, and no longer a girl in your eyes. A giver of life. These are the words my husband spoke to me, and continues to speak to me as I grieved the loss of my pre-child body.


The most incredible thing you can do for your recovering wife, is hold no expectations. If she desires to go to the gym..let her. If she is happy with her body, and lets her child's feet walk on her squishy tummy, embrace the tenderness of that moment. If she cries because she cannot fit into her old jeans, hold her, and tell her how amazing she will look in new jeans, and that her curves from children stir your soul.


These images are the reality... Don't let today's media take away the precious changes your darling's body will go through after birth. Don't let this reality be one that is tainted in "weightloss tricks" and "snap back" schemes. Embrace her body's changes..help her to embrace them, no matter how big or small the change. She will need you in these times of weakness. She will need to feel beautiful, sexy, and desired. Show her she is all of these things please. You are her rock. You are her support even after the pushing and contractions have stopped. She still needs you. Thank you dads.. Thank you for your kind and open hearts. For your acceptance of us as we are in motherhood, and for your help in battling what media tells us we should look like. There is no "Should." there is only the reality.


Sincerely,
Corinne Oestreich

Mother of Hunter: 4
Emma: 2
Surrogate Mother to: Alaya 4 months






Tuesday, November 11, 2014

There is no privacy with kids...

So today I realized that there truly is no privacy with kids..

My son will be 4 in Feb and my daughter 2 in Jan...they both escorted me to the bathroom. It was like I needed to be chaperoned in order to take a $#i% and they volunteered happily for the job. I sat down and looked at my son perched precariously on the side of the tub, swinging his footed pajama feet as he watched me innocently. "Hunter can I just go to the bathroom alone right now?" I asked. He blinked confused "But I want to watch you poop." I sighed... "Buddy sometimes people just need to go to the bathroom alone." He didn't seem to hear me. "But I want to watch you." His sister began to climb into the bath tub. "Emma get out of the bath tub!" meanwhile I have yet to do any business. "Guys please just give me a few minutes ok?" Hunter reeled from the obviously personal attack on the fact that I didn't want him to watch me poop and yelled at me "BUT I WANT TO WATCH YOU POOP!!!" and I yelled back "AND I JUST WANT TO POOP IN PEACE!!!"

They watch me change my clothes, they see me get out of the shower, and they poke at the loose skin on my tummy from the three children I bore. They know no personal space or boundaries when it comes to mommy. It doesn't usually bother me, but I'm going to have to create some personal boundries eventually. My body and its functions are not my children's domain. Anyone else feel this way with small kids? When did you start drawing personal boundaries with your kids?

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The Oestreich Family

The Oestreich Family