My new Fellowship..

I posted about this on Facebook, but because of some stupid algorithm that looks for words sounding like a business, most of my fiends never saw this news. So here it is..

The most important post I have written:

I want to officially announce my Fellowship with The Change Maker Initiative, in partnership with LAUMC and Ashoka. 

I am in awe of the work I have begun, and its sheer magnitude. This is by far, the proudest and most terrified I have ever been to begin something, and that means that Creator is in my work. Feeling smaller than my task, and pushing forward anyways is the most incredible and empowering feeling I have ever felt. So...here is my Fellowship and what I will be leading...

My initial motivation was our Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women, and they're abuse and capture into Human Trafficking. The deeper my research went, the more I became aware of an avenue to Human Trafficking that was less discussed. The DEMAND aspect of Human Trafficking. No matter how many programs fight to rescue these women and children, there would still be a demand for their exploitation. The next phase of my work brought me to researching those who came to benefit from human trafficking. Through a great amount of prayer and research I am developing a prototype experience that will be Male led, and will incorporate indigenous values, to develop healthy relationships and mindset. This will be for industries to use in combatting toxic masculinity. 

Also I will be crafting legislation for places like Alaska and South Dakota to hopefully require these workshops in cities where oil companies want to set up temporary housing for male employees. (Man Camps.)

The workshops are meant to get men thinking about their own masculinity and actions, build each other up, because their masculinity is sacred. We need healing in our men right now. I'm hoping this can be a start. 

**If you feel moved, and feel a tiny spark within you say "I want to do something.." I will need help in a few specific areas..
-501c3 Funds management
-Website Design
-Psychologist Prototype Input
-Men to interview
-Men to test the prototype with
-Women in Tech Industry input
-Indigenous Women's input on prototype
-Someone to hug me when days get hard. ❤️

Thank you for reading this far..I am more proud of this than anything I have accomplished this far in my life... (Family and Surrogacies not included.)

Read More

When Anatevka became "Home."

The last musical theater production I was in before Fiddler on the Roof, was back in 2007 with Sonoma State University in A Little Night Music as Ann Eagermann. That role was a lot of fun, and the cast was all very close because most of us were also in drama classes together. After the show closed I had no idea it would be another 10 years before I would do another show.

In those 10 years I got married, I moved across the country several times, I gave birth to 5 babies, and started a career in education. I spent a lot of time doing things for others. Thats who I am. I'm a healer. whether it's healing someones emotional needs, helping them physically, being an ear when someone needs it the most, or actually carrying a baby for someone else. Healing is something that is a part of me, I never realized how much healing I needed myself. Musical theater is my soul. Its a part of me, so I auditioned for and was cast in SCP's Fiddler on the Roof.

Our first rehearsal I remember thinking to myself "I have no idea how to be social anymore..I'm with kids all day!!" But slowly and organically over the course of our rehearsals, we all got to know each other. We realized that while we were building relationships, what we were actually building was Anatevka. We began to care for one another, and have curiosity for each others' lives outside of rehearsal. To ask about family, and have deep discussions about life, and how we've grown into the people we are. We eventually even met outside of rehearsal to enjoy each other's company. This all happened very naturally.


I remember having this feeling of "this is bigger than we think it is.." one night when were were all huddled inot the evening at Braly park. Anna had performed her incredible moving scene when she begs her Papa not to shun her, and the entire rehearsal space was silent. We were all suspended in the emotion, or the moment when we realized their choreographed dance represented a small child sized Chava, dancing with Tevye in his memory. I sobbed.

On Aug 14th, Nazis rallied in Charlottesville, and I was suddenly hit with the levity of this show. This would be a show not only for the time of Anatevka, but for TODAY. This would be a show that would be relevant and poignant to the people of OUR time. Anti-sematism is rampant in MY country...in MY era...and I knew that this show was destined to be memorable.

Layers and layers of meaning dropped upon the stage of our show. Then we added the layer that was Eric Sun, and his wife Karen Law. Eric has terminal brain cancer, and had asked to be a part of our show as our fiddler who plays a John Williams violin solo during our intermission. None of us were positive how Eric's health would be for the run of the show, and every performance you would find our entire cast standing in the wings sending him love and energy.

As this show moved through it's 14 performances, we as a cast WERE the village of Anatevka, and each performance we stole the audience away with us into our private relationships and our songs. Backstage you'd find study groups of kids who were working on homework, a group upstairs playing board/card games, the ladies downstairs playing madlibs and crosswords, friends in the wings just enjoying watching the show, and every show had us together as a family.



Tonight I realized that this was truly our closing, when my beloved friend and dance partner David, in "To Life" took our positions to dance for the final time and whispered "This is it Corinne..." my eyes welled up in tears as I forced myself to finish the dance. Then we all poured on stage to listen to Eric play his truly final performance. He played his heart out, and even though he was not feeling well at all, he finished the entire show without missing a single performance. It was tearful, tearful because of his victory,because it would be his last performance on earth, and because we had all grew to love him dearly. After bows, and the audience had left the house, we came back onstage as a cast and sang one last "Sabbath Prayer". Merav said a blessing in Hebrew and leaned heavily into my shoulder, I grabbed a hold of Dan's arm as he held a crying Annika. We were saying a peaceful and sorrowful goodbye to our Anatevka. It was appropriate and moving..

I will never forget this show, it's cast, it's orchestra, or it's crew. What an incredible blessing it has been to be in this show. I will never forget any of the connections I have made.

"Anatevka, Anatevka.

Underfed, overworked Anatevka.

Where else could Sabbath be so sweet?

Anatevka, Anatevka.

Intimate, obstinate Anatevka,

Where I know everyone I meet.

Soon I'll be a stranger in a strange new place,

Searching for an old familiar face

From Anatevka."

Read More

Hunter and Max

This is Max.

Max joined our family a few weeks ago after many many months of researching Service dogs, and programs, and breeds, and rescues. We found max on a Saturday morning, he was the last puppy in his litter and the son of a Golden Retriever who was a service dog at Sacramento Children's Hospital. The family who sold him to us was so happy to hear we planned to train the pup for service, that they drove him down to us at our home.

Max walked timidly into our home, but has since melted into our family like an adorable pad of butter on a warm bun. He's quiet, and deliberate in his movements. He's patient, and empathetic. He has already made a significant different in our Hunter, and he isn't even certified yet. Hunter went from being almost non verbal to other adults to sharing his news about max with every stranger on the street! He told the cashier at Target, at Lowes, the lady walking her dog down the street, the Principal on his first day of Kindergarten, and everyone he sees about Max. He has had some moments where his anxiety causes him to melt down and Max comes over and quietly rests beside him. This is huge. We needed a dog who wouldn't fear Hunter's melt downs, but comfort him through them. Max does this. Hunter has fallen in love with Max in a way I never expected, and the love is mutual. Max will cry in his bed area in the morning until he sees Hunter come down from his bunk bed. They are so perfect for each other and I can't wait to see all that Max does for Hunter as his training continues. 

This is the love story of Hunter and Max..

Read More

Finding Dory made me cry, and I wasn't expecting why. (SPOILER ALERT)

When you see the trailer for Finding Dory, it plays up a lot of the funny moments in the movie. The lovable characters, the references to finding her home and parents... But what I didn't expect, and what caught me totally off guard were the memories that showed young Dory with her mom and dad.

 This was a special needs family! Dory suffers from short term memory loss, which in the first movie presents as more of a joke than anything else, because fish don't have much of a memory that we know of, hence it's funny. When you see Dory in this film, she is a little girl, and her parents are trying to navigate her disability, give her tools to cope and to stay safe, and I sat in that theater, my son to my right, identifying with Dory's parents. "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, what do we do we swim, swim.." a song they taught her for getting home, follow the shells etc.

There was a scene in the movie where young Dory is awake at night and she hears her mother crying to her father, worried about how Dory will survive as she gets older. What will she do without us? How will she survive in the ocean, etc... And I cried. I cried and cried with Dory's mother because I too understand that fear. That exhaustion at being positive and supportive for your child who needs you, only to collapse at night into those fears when you think your child is asleep.  Its terrifying as a parent trying to navigate your child's struggles and to come up with tools to help them. Sometimes they work, sometimes you have to change them, sometimes they DID work but now they don't. Seeing Dory's parents work with Dory in all of her memories showed me how dedicated they were to their baby, and their reunion and hope and perserverance had me weeping in that matinee showing, surrounded by babies and other families at the movies together.

It touched me in such a way that Disney included this subtle salute to the parents of special needs children.. this wasn't just a movie about Dory overcoming and learning to cope with her disability, it was a salute to the parents who worked tirelessly to be sure their baby could make it in the world, and to arm them with tools and support as they ventured from home.

Thank you Disney..

Read More

It's never JUST Tourettes..

                                              
When someone is diagnosed with Tourettes Syndrome, it very rarely comes as just Tourettes. Tourettes is accompanied by a variation of the following; OCD, Anxiety, ADD, ADHD, Learning Difficulties, Sleeping Problems and Mood regulating issues.

The person does not have ALL of these accompanying issues, but they can have any combination tag along.

Hunter has Tourettes Syndrome with OCD and Anxiety Disorder. The first time we noticed something unusual he was 3 years old. He would repeatedly wipe his mouth with his right hand and it happened so often that his lips dried out and he would get sores. We tried telling him to stop, but that only seemed to make it worse. Also at the same time, we were noticing that he seemed to sort his toys. He would line up all of his toy cars in a perfect line, first sorting them by color, and then branching them off of each color in size and type. Our play room floor looked like a web of cars. He would also do the same with matching cards, he would lay them in order going outward. At his Dr's appointment I brought all of this up to his pediatrician. I also mentioned that Hunter would make strange throat noises and if his throwing fits over very little things were normal. They were not. She sent a refferal to the pediatric neurologist and from there he was diagnosed with Tourettes. We were also sent to a Pediatric Psychiatrist where he was further diagnosed with the accompanying OCD and Anxiety.

The Tourettes that is usually shown on television is Coprolalia. This is the very rare form of Tourettes where the person will say profanity or words that are not generally appropriate. Only about 10-15% of vocal tic cases will say inappropriate words.

The hopeful news is that while Tics intensify in ages 8-10 years, they can almost totally disappear after puberty. Only 1 in every 160 children ages 5-17 have Tourettes, and is 3 times more common in boys than girls.

My first experience with Tourettes was when I was 21 years old. I was dating a guy who's daughter had Tourettes syndrome. Her tics were mostly vocal, but it gave me a foundation of understanding and empathy that would later prepare me at least in a small way for what was to come with my own son.

Hunter's tics:
Vocal:
-Throat Clearing
-Snorting
-First part of Jurrasic Park theme song (ya..really)

Physical:
Arm flapping
Face grimmacing
Eye blinking

Because of his OCD, he self soothes by having a routine set in his head of how he wants an activity to go.

Example: "I want to walk into the elevator, and press the button to go to the 2nd floor."
What goes wrong: He steps in the elevator thats filled with people who are looking at him, now he's too scared to press the button. People are patiently waiting for him to press the button, he's still not moving. Nurse pressed the button for him. His routine has been disrupted. This triggers a hysterical fit, as well as activates all of his Tics, both vocal and physical. He begins to obsess, and is unable to speak any other words other that "I wanted to push the button" in between tics and screams for the next 45mins to an Hour. Distractions do not help, comforting him does not help, he can't focus, and I refuse to use electronics as a distraction.

Example 2: Hunter is given a 2 min break between assesments to play toys. He wants to play with the toy cake in the play kitchen. It doesnt matter if the alarm for 2 minutes being done goes off, what's most important to him in his head is that he hasn't finished slicing all the pieces and putting a candle on each and then each slice on a plate. He has set in his mind what he wants accomplished, and the priority is finishing it. If I were to interrupt this, he would have an anxiety attack, or fit.

                                

I never know what will trigger him, because I can't see inside his brain at the routine he has set up for himself. I know that every morning I have to kiss him goodbye three times, and one of those times has to be on his palm because of the story with a raccoon that we read called the Kissing Hand. I know that he has to unbuckle his own seat belt, that if we point out an airplane or fire truck or construction crane, or lizard on a hike, that he better be able to see it easily otherwise if we pass it and he didnt see it, that is another anxiety attack. I know that he's so terrified of Bees that he thinks all flying insects are bees, including butterflies and he will run away screaming hysterically from a monarch until I hold him and calm him to see its actually a butterfly. 
THIS is my every day, this is HIS every day. This is Tourettes. If there is one thing I could ask of anyone reading this, is that when you see a child throwing what looks like a tantrum in public, maybe even over a toy or whatever, please do not be quick to judge them. Hunter melts down in Target often and I'm positive that people look at us and think he is spoiled. I feel the looks, the glares. Don't share those videos of "This is why I spank my kids" on facebook and youtube of kids throwing tantrums. Life is hard for every one of us in a different way. Every time we go out somewhere, someone remarks about my son's tics... please try to keep your comments to yourself. I am nearly always one comment away from my own emotional breakdown.

Its the start of Tourettes Awareness Month.. Keep my baby in mind this month.

Read More

A Service Dog for Hunter

Facebook is filled with a lot of useless stuff. I mean..a LOT of useless stuff. Videos and articles that do nothing but take up your time and distract you from life around you, but once and a while there is something really awesome that Facebook shows me. Sometimes it can be life-changing.

The article was titled "15 Amazing Things Your Dog Can Sense About You."
http://www.dognotebook.com/15-amazing-things-your-dog-can-sense-about-you/

..and as I read the article it dawned on me that if a service dog can help a child with Diabetes, or Autism, maybe they can also help a child with Tourettes, and OCD and A.P.A.D!! I started googling things and was up until almost 2am. I discovered that yes there are indeed Service Dogs for children with Tourettes and that they've been very successful! The next day I spent the entire day emailing and calling every Service Dog center in the state of CA looking for a place that could help us with our needs. Finally I got in touch with a place called "Operation Freedom Paws" in Gilroy, and they said they could help!

We submitted our application and letters from Hunter's Dr, and this coming week we get to go look at some of their dogs. I am so excited for my Hunter, that we can try this therapy for him instead of resorting to medication that come with a host of side effects. What we want most of all is to be able to provide our son with the tools and training to help manage his Tourettes and his Anxiety so he can be successful in everything he pursues in life, and we really believe a Service Dog will help him.

Here's hoping that all goes well on Wednesday and we can meet a little savior that will be able to help our family gain some peace and comfort.

Read More

Painting faces..

As fas as I can remember, my mother has been an artist. She has China Painted, sketched, used watercolors, pastels, even zentangle designs. Growing up she would bring her face paints with us every summer to our family reunion at our family's dairy ranch. Our Perazzo family would gather all 42 of us cousins and she would paint all of our faces!! Even some of the adults.

It was a memory that defined that part of my childhood. What could I be today? A cat? A fairy? She could pick up her brush as transform me into anything my little imagination could dream up. Even an American flag!

This weekend my children had their faces painted by my mother, and it was a moment I felt the need to capture on camera. I hope these memories stay with them forever..

Read More