Monday, June 27, 2016

Finding Dory made me cry, and I wasn't expecting why. (SPOILER ALERT)



When you see the trailer for Finding Dory, it plays up a lot of the funny moments in the movie. The lovable characters, the references to finding her home and parents... But what I didn't expect, and what caught me totally off guard were the memories that showed young Dory with her mom and dad.

 This was a special needs family! Dory suffers from short term memory loss, which in the first movie presents as more of a joke than anything else, because fish don't have much of a memory that we know of, hence it's funny. When you see Dory in this film, she is a little girl, and her parents are trying to navigate her disability, give her tools to cope and to stay safe, and I sat in that theater, my son to my right, identifying with Dory's parents. "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, what do we do we swim, swim.." a song they taught her for getting home, follow the shells etc.

There was a scene in the movie where young Dory is awake at night and she hears her mother crying to her father, worried about how Dory will survive as she gets older. What will she do without us? How will she survive in the ocean, etc... And I cried. I cried and cried with Dory's mother because I too understand that fear. That exhaustion at being positive and supportive for your child who needs you, only to collapse at night into those fears when you think your child is asleep.  Its terrifying as a parent trying to navigate your child's struggles and to come up with tools to help them. Sometimes they work, sometimes you have to change them, sometimes they DID work but now they don't. Seeing Dory's parents work with Dory in all of her memories showed me how dedicated they were to their baby, and their reunion and hope and perserverance had me weeping in that matinee showing, surrounded by babies and other families at the movies together.

It touched me in such a way that Disney included this subtle salute to the parents of special needs children.. this wasn't just a movie about Dory overcoming and learning to cope with her disability, it was a salute to the parents who worked tirelessly to be sure their baby could make it in the world, and to arm them with tools and support as they ventured from home.

Thank you Disney..

Monday, May 16, 2016

It's never JUST Tourettes..

                                              
When someone is diagnosed with Tourettes Syndrome, it very rarely comes as just Tourettes. Tourettes is accompanied by a variation of the following; OCD, Anxiety, ADD, ADHD, Learning Difficulties, Sleeping Problems and Mood regulating issues.

The person does not have ALL of these accompanying issues, but they can have any combination tag along.

Hunter has Tourettes Syndrome with OCD and Anxiety Disorder. The first time we noticed something unusual he was 3 years old. He would repeatedly wipe his mouth with his right hand and it happened so often that his lips dried out and he would get sores. We tried telling him to stop, but that only seemed to make it worse. Also at the same time, we were noticing that he seemed to sort his toys. He would line up all of his toy cars in a perfect line, first sorting them by color, and then branching them off of each color in size and type. Our play room floor looked like a web of cars. He would also do the same with matching cards, he would lay them in order going outward. At his Dr's appointment I brought all of this up to his pediatrician. I also mentioned that Hunter would make strange throat noises and if his throwing fits over very little things were normal. They were not. She sent a refferal to the pediatric neurologist and from there he was diagnosed with Tourettes. We were also sent to a Pediatric Psychiatrist where he was further diagnosed with the accompanying OCD and Anxiety.

The Tourettes that is usually shown on television is Coprolalia. This is the very rare form of Tourettes where the person will say profanity or words that are not generally appropriate. Only about 10-15% of vocal tic cases will say inappropriate words.

The hopeful news is that while Tics intensify in ages 8-10 years, they can almost totally disappear after puberty. Only 1 in every 160 children ages 5-17 have Tourettes, and is 3 times more common in boys than girls.

My first experience with Tourettes was when I was 21 years old. I was dating a guy who's daughter had Tourettes syndrome. Her tics were mostly vocal, but it gave me a foundation of understanding and empathy that would later prepare me at least in a small way for what was to come with my own son.

Hunter's tics:
Vocal:
-Throat Clearing
-Snorting
-First part of Jurrasic Park theme song (ya..really)

Physical:
Arm flapping
Face grimmacing
Eye blinking

Because of his OCD, he self soothes by having a routine set in his head of how he wants an activity to go.

Example: "I want to walk into the elevator, and press the button to go to the 2nd floor."
What goes wrong: He steps in the elevator thats filled with people who are looking at him, now he's too scared to press the button. People are patiently waiting for him to press the button, he's still not moving. Nurse pressed the button for him. His routine has been disrupted. This triggers a hysterical fit, as well as activates all of his Tics, both vocal and physical. He begins to obsess, and is unable to speak any other words other that "I wanted to push the button" in between tics and screams for the next 45mins to an Hour. Distractions do not help, comforting him does not help, he can't focus, and I refuse to use electronics as a distraction.

Example 2: Hunter is given a 2 min break between assesments to play toys. He wants to play with the toy cake in the play kitchen. It doesnt matter if the alarm for 2 minutes being done goes off, what's most important to him in his head is that he hasn't finished slicing all the pieces and putting a candle on each and then each slice on a plate. He has set in his mind what he wants accomplished, and the priority is finishing it. If I were to interrupt this, he would have an anxiety attack, or fit.

                                

I never know what will trigger him, because I can't see inside his brain at the routine he has set up for himself. I know that every morning I have to kiss him goodbye three times, and one of those times has to be on his palm because of the story with a raccoon that we read called the Kissing Hand. I know that he has to unbuckle his own seat belt, that if we point out an airplane or fire truck or construction crane, or lizard on a hike, that he better be able to see it easily otherwise if we pass it and he didnt see it, that is another anxiety attack. I know that he's so terrified of Bees that he thinks all flying insects are bees, including butterflies and he will run away screaming hysterically from a monarch until I hold him and calm him to see its actually a butterfly. 
THIS is my every day, this is HIS every day. This is Tourettes. If there is one thing I could ask of anyone reading this, is that when you see a child throwing what looks like a tantrum in public, maybe even over a toy or whatever, please do not be quick to judge them. Hunter melts down in Target often and I'm positive that people look at us and think he is spoiled. I feel the looks, the glares. Don't share those videos of "This is why I spank my kids" on facebook and youtube of kids throwing tantrums. Life is hard for every one of us in a different way. Every time we go out somewhere, someone remarks about my son's tics... please try to keep your comments to yourself. I am nearly always one comment away from my own emotional breakdown.

Its the start of Tourettes Awareness Month.. Keep my baby in mind this month.




Sunday, March 20, 2016

A Service Dog for Hunter

Facebook is filled with a lot of useless stuff. I mean..a LOT of useless stuff. Videos and articles that do nothing but take up your time and distract you from life around you, but once and a while there is something really awesome that Facebook shows me. Sometimes it can be life-changing.

The article was titled "15 Amazing Things Your Dog Can Sense About You."
http://www.dognotebook.com/15-amazing-things-your-dog-can-sense-about-you/

..and as I read the article it dawned on me that if a service dog can help a child with Diabetes, or Autism, maybe they can also help a child with Tourettes, and OCD and A.P.A.D!! I started googling things and was up until almost 2am. I discovered that yes there are indeed Service Dogs for children with Tourettes and that they've been very successful! The next day I spent the entire day emailing and calling every Service Dog center in the state of CA looking for a place that could help us with our needs. Finally I got in touch with a place called "Operation Freedom Paws" in Gilroy, and they said they could help!


We submitted our application and letters from Hunter's Dr, and this coming week we get to go look at some of their dogs. I am so excited for my Hunter, that we can try this therapy for him instead of resorting to medication that come with a host of side effects. What we want most of all is to be able to provide our son with the tools and training to help manage his Tourettes and his Anxiety so he can be successful in everything he pursues in life, and we really believe a Service Dog will help him.

Here's hoping that all goes well on Wednesday and we can meet a little savior that will be able to help our family gain some peace and comfort.


Sunday, October 4, 2015

Painting faces..

As fas as I can remember, my mother has been an artist. She has China Painted, sketched, used watercolors, pastels, even zentangle designs. Growing up she would bring her face paints with us every summer to our family reunion at our family's dairy ranch. Our Perazzo family would gather all 42 of us cousins and she would paint all of our faces!! Even some of the adults.

It was a memory that defined that part of my childhood. What could I be today? A cat? A fairy? She could pick up her brush as transform me into anything my little imagination could dream up. Even an American flag!

This weekend my children had their faces painted by my mother, and it was a moment I felt the need to capture on camera. I hope these memories stay with them forever..












Honoring the pieces of me..

I am multi-racial.

What does that mean to me? It means I am Lakota, Dutch Indonesian, Swiss, and Portuguese. I am pieces put together, a cultural mural of mosaic textures and histories compiled into one portrait.

Me.

I am proud to be all of my pieces, and most recently in life I honor the part of me who is Lakota. I spent the past few years learning, observing, and immersing myself in my culture. I had a desire, and HAVE a desire to grow that part of who I am. I owe it to my ancestors who desperately fought for our cultural survival, to own that part of me. To live as traditionally as I am able.



I beaded my own medallion, wear my own medicine bag that I have added to, and have offered Tobacco to the earth. I have smudged sage that was gifted to me by a mentor who holds a very special place in my heart. I actively seek to learn and grow with respect to my elders.


I am learning to dance. I am learning to dance in a way I have never learned. There is something deeper in my movements this time. It's not ballet, it's not jazz. Its Fancy Shawl...it's Jingle dancing. My soul is rooted into the earth, and I feel grounded. When I run around my neighborhood for exercise, Northern Cree is blasting in my headphones. It's as if the drum is pushing me on when I feel like quitting. Primal, and in my heart.

This part of me is awake. This part of me is real. This part of me is honest and I will never let her go.



Friday, September 11, 2015

Finding Peace in uncertainty..



What I love most about this verse, is that it doesn't say that with "discipline you get what you want." It says that it produces a "harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Where am I going with this..

I'm not a biblical scholar, or a pastor, or anyone claiming to know it all. I do know that I am a daughter of God, and with that title on my heart I find myself coming unto Him over and over again in my times of pain. My view on God and this life is radically different (I feel) from most "Christians." I don't believe that God will swoop in and help me find my keys with a little prayer, or that he intervenes with much at all. How incredibly difficult the hard times in this life would be if I believed my God would rescue me with a prayer, and then didn't. My faith has led me to believe that I have chosen my life's journey and challenges for myself before coming to this earth. I believe that God sat with me and we drew out an elaborate tree filled with all of the life experiences I wanted to have.

I am living with my parents while my husband and I decide what the next move for our family will be, it's a stressful and trying time! But I believe that I chose this for myself. Why? Because it will teach me something I believed would be good for me. I believe my soul chose every challenge I face in this life, and mapped out all the choices I would be given in the hopes that I would choose what was right. Thats what life is all about. Learning.

So what happens when the lesson is "Sorry, that's not the path for you."? What happens when you ask God and the answer is "No."?


My amazing husband (and I'm already starting to cry..) has been trying to become a Police Officer for over 5 years now. He served as a Marine in both Iraq and Afghanistan, and desires to continue serving and protecting Americans from the home front. He is a good man, and an incredible father. He's giving, kind, selfless, and the neighbor that will pull out his elderly neighbor's trash for him without so much as a wink. He will pull over to help a stranded car, run to assist a woman with her groceries, take over the dishes when he sees I am weary. He is a Godly man. So why has the answer continued to be "no" when becoming a Police Officer has been his dream? The lessons here are feeling more and more like "Do something else" as opposed to "Work hard and get what you desire." Isn't that the American dream? Work hard and you can do anything? Maybe that's the lesson, that God's dream for us, isn't always in line with our dreams for ourselves. Maybe the lesson here is that the big door that slammed in our face is actually a part of the guiding wall that directs us to our true calling.

Seeing my beloved rejected for position after position has been heart wrenching for me, and has brought me to my knees in prayer on too many occasions to count. I have wept on my bedroom floor in confusion and desperation for God to bestow joy upon my husband. "He deserves this Lord.."  I would pray. "Please."

And God would sit before me, stroking my hair..I could almost feel him, and he would whisper "I know. He is a good man. Just wait my child..just wait and see what we have planned for him." Obviously I didn't hear these words voiced audibly, but my heart and soul felt Him there. I knew that God the Father is present and heard me in those moments, and even though he didn't directly interfere, his love and understanding was present.

I feel an odd peace in the knowing that God is quietly nearby, remaining observant and not intrusive, but ever so gently, like a parent watching their child in preschool, offers a reassuring smile or hug before sending us off to learn more.

Do I know what's in store for our family? No. I don't. But I do know some things that ARE certain..

I am going to have a baby for an amazing couple..
Hunter is finally beginning to make friends in Preschool and have fun..
My Photography and writing continue to fulfill my creative desires..
I love Jason until the very last breath I take, where I will continue to love him in a billion tiny pieces.
I have healthy children and a comfortable home with my amazing parents.

We are loved.. we are held in Gods hands..and we are going to survive this and every other challenge we have planned for ourselves with God as our loving guide.



Wednesday, August 5, 2015

In the house that built me..


Some may say that choosing to live in your parents house again as a family is a step backwards, but I can't express enough how wonderful it has been. Its been healthy and healing. Imagine how for centuries humans lived together in large family groups. Joys and frustrations were shared and nothing was shouldered alone. We've rotated our cooking dinners, and discovered that it gives all of us a break.

Then there is the unexpected beauty of seeing my children playing in the rooms I grew up in. On the wooden floors I played with my own brother on. I enjoy sticking my head through the doors and seeing my children play with my brother's old legos the exact way we used to play as children. Its oddly healing to be "home" again as a family, preparing to launch again into the world and into our own home and adventures. Its wonderful seeing my step dad snuggle with his grandson while he watched the Giants game at night, or hear my babies run barefoot down the hallway in the morning s to greet grandma having tea in the dining room.



This is a phase. It will pass quickly and be gone. I am settling in it comfortably and enjoying it before it is a moment and chapter to add in the pages of our family story.




Total Pageviews

Powered by Blogger.

The Oestreich Family

The Oestreich Family