Confessions of a "Stay at Home" Mom.

I know every mom has days like today. Days where you look up at the sky/whatever God you pray to, and chant your mantra "I am grateful for my kids, I am grateful for my kids. I am doing a great and wonderful thing by staying home with them." all whilst your two and a half year old screams and kicks the hardwood floor because you wouldn't let him watch "Dinosaurs" for the 3rd time today, and your 7 month old has bitten your shoulder, while stirring the rice that has now burned to the bottom of the pan on the stove. Oh and then your phone rings.. good luck with that. I have small milestones that I look forward to on hard days to get me through.. things like turning the coffee maker on at 8am when I've gotten up with Emma, and the smell of the freshly brewed coffee splashes into my cup, or 4pm, when we go for our afternoon walk in the stroller to the elementary school park down the road and I let Hunter run around the campus and play on the playground. If we still live here in 2 years I want him to be familiar with the elementary school he will go to. :)

Today was rough. I feel like Hunter hears me ask him to do something and thinks "Oh mom's voice isn't too mad yet, I guess I can keep not listening to her." Then when I yell he finally goes "OH!! Sorry!!" and then does it. I would like for him to listen to me before it gets to that point. :/ 8 o clock came and I found myself on craigslist, browsing through part time office positions.. I wasn't seriously looking, but I was fantasizing what it would be like to be in an office again, with people my own age, having adult conversations (well not ADULT conversations but you know what I mean.) Sometimes the mommies at the playground weird me out, its hard to make friends and have conversations with them. This mom of twin 18 month olds was at the park today and she let her toddler wander right up to the road... I was like "uhhhhh." and watching the street ready to run after him if she didn't. Her friend was a boho chic organic vegan purist dressed in something I'm sure was woven in hemp. It was hard to take her seriously as she explained that her daughter was only allowed to eat food from unprocessed plants who had died prior to being plucked from the earth. (Insert raised eyebrows and crickets) To each her own I guess, as I stuffed Hunter's mouth with a doritos chip and wiped the cheese on my own shirt.

Anyways.. I'm not sure where I'm going with this post except that today was rough, I miss being a working adult who interacts with other adults on a daily basis, and the kisses from Hunter and Emma at bed time made the whole day worth it...however if I had wine in the house you BET I would have poured a glass... Goodnight.

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A full nights rest

Jason and I spent Saturday night at the Hilton Garden Inn in Mountain View. It was a mini vacation, but it was so wonderful to really spend one on one time with my husband. We got to the hotel, and I was able to take some pictures of our huge room! :)

 

Jason and I showered and got ready for our nummy dinner we had reservations for at 6:30. I was actually able to shower without guilt and then straighten my hair and do makeup while groovin to my Pandora music. It was so relaxing! After we got ready, we headed out hand in hand to the restaurant. We had Lamb riblets tossed with terryaki sauce and sesame sead, garlic chips and onions as an appetizer. Then thr brought out a little food shot of crab, avocado and cucumber to "cleanse the palate" You know when they say that phrase that the bill is going to be astronomical. I ordered the Fillet Mignon and Jason had the 20oz Prime Rib and we shared sauteed mushroom and creamy spinach as sides. I had a lovely Figge Merlot with my steak, and Jason enjoyed a German beer. After our main course they brought out a shot size of Raspberry sherbert on a mint leaf and following that a complimentary desert with "Happy 4th Anniversary" written in chocolate!! Oh and two chilled glasses of Moscato! Then they brought out cotton candy, an adorable tradition started years ago at the restaurant. 

 

Jason and I finished off this wonderful night with red wine that my dear friend Laurie had sent to our room, and a trip to the hot tub! 

I slept the entire night and was able to turn off my "mommy ears" that are constantly listening for crying children. The elevator ride up form the pool we shared with a young mother and a very sleepy looking 6 month old baby. I smiled at the baby and mother, thinking about my babies who were snuggled in their beds and then allowed myself to put the motherly longing aside and just be with my husband, walk into our room, and enjoy this one night without them. When I came home today, Hunter gave me a huge hug and showed me all of his new dinosaurs that Grandma had bought him. Emma was super snuggly and I just LOVED being back with them. I missed them, but I had such a wonderful time with my hubby. :) 

 

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4 amazing years...

The 21st of this month marks Jason and my 4 year anniversary. It has been a crazy rough and tumble 4 years that have brought us stronger in our love and given us two beautiful children.

Let me give my readers a very quick overview of our marriage so far..

Jason and I met in 2007, when he and my brother were in the Marine Corps together as roommates. It started out very casual. We were both with other people at the time, so we were just friends, maybe with some flirting here and there. There were a lot of "Say Hi to your sister for me!"s while I was on the phone with my brother. When Jason and Andrew came home from Iraq, I was at the homecoming. We walked to the barracks with my brother to unload his bags and out stumbles my future husband, at 9am, with a bud light in his hand. "CORINNE!!! Its JASON!" I raised an eyebrow at his swaying figure. He was in blue jeans and no shirt, his feet were bare. The man was obviously enjoying his homecoming celebration with his buddies and I laughed before he said "Oestreich!" Ooohhh Jason Oestreich.. that's right. Hi. He said "Nice to see you!" and then walked back into his room. Sometimes I wish I could travel back in time to that very moment so I can whisper in my ear "THERE STANDS YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND!" hahaha!

A couple boyfriends, and a broken engagement later, Jason and I realized that we wanted to be more than friends. When my ex and I broke up, Jason swooped in and was everything my ex was not. We dated for 2 months and Jason proposed to me. Some would say that the way he proposed to me was not "Romantic", it  wasn't "Marry Me" written in the sand on a beach, and it wasn't a treasure hunt into the woods to a candle lit cabin. It was REAL, and it was romantic to me. :) We were staying at the Motel 6 during one of my visit to 29 palms, and he had lit the room with white tea lights. I opened the door and was so surprised. He had red wine, and we poured them with smiles on our faces into the plastic cups the hotel provides. We made love, and I walked into the bathroom. When I came out, I found Jason on one knee with a diamond ring in his hand. He smiled and said "Corinne Patricia? Will you marry me?" and I giggled like a silly girl and said yes!! :) It is one of my favorite memories of Jason. We tease each other about that night sometimes because when we say it out loud it sounds ridiculous, engaged in a Motel 6 with plastic wine cups... but it was so so romantic.

We married in my parents garden in their back yard in a very private ceremony and even attached a webcam so that Jason's family in MN could see the ceremony. My very best friend Jeff Decker was there, along with the rest of my family.

 

Our first year of marriage was spent mostly separated. Jason was in Afghanistan and I spent my time gathering furniture for our first house on base in 29 palms. In the following years we really worked on our communication skills and also on our compromise. I learned to compromise for him, and he learned to compromise for me. We learned what a true apology was and how to allow yourself to be wrong. We have two amazing children, and now we are excited to spend our first night together away from our children. My mom will be watching the kids overnight. (I can't tell you how excited I am to be able to turn off my mommy ears and actually slip into a deep sleep!) 

We are staying at the Hilton Garden Hotel and eating at a very nice Steakhouse called Alexander's Steakhouse. SOOOO excited!!!!!!

Today I got my anniversary gift in the mail. It was in a large box from one of my favorite gift stores!! Red Envelope...

 

I couldnt wait to open in and when I did, I knew my husband had surpassed expectations. He didnt just get a piece of jewelry (though I would NEVER complain about that hehe) be got us a personalized picnic backpack that comes with all the utensils and plates and even a wine cooling side sack!!! I can bring my chilled Moscato on our picnic hike!! I couldn't believe it! Jason is so gosh darned romantic, it makes my tummy bubbly and happy!  All that being said, Happy 4 years to my incredible amazing, loving, selfless husband. I love you Jason. 

 

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Faith and God as I see them..

After many years of spiritual growth and learning I have come to a very comfortable and pleasant understanding of God, and Faith in general that I would like to share.

I believe that we existed before we came to earth as souls. I believe that as souls, we were intelligent beings who interacted and decided to come to earth to further our knowledge and experience. I feel that before we came to earth we decided certain challenges for ourselves that we believed could help us to learn or overcome those challenges. Every challenge in our life, be it the loss of a child, or husband, or the struggle with addiction, or mental illness or even something as simple as body image are all challenges we decided to put ourselves through on this earth. We decided who we wanted to be our family, and our support system in the spiritual world to guide us. I believe that we might have come to earth more than once, (this explains in my eyes why there are 9 year olds more mature than some 30 year olds I know.) I believe that God is neither male nor female. That God is ALL loving. That God loves EVERYONE...this includes murderers, rapists, and thieves. We are ALL God's children, and how could a loving parent ever shun or disgrace their child? I believe that all souls, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Jew, Atheist, will all be together again after death. That our intelligence will only be furthered and our understanding of a bigger picture will come in the next life.

I have a belief in Jesus Christ, as a human. I believe him to be imperfect on this earth, to have suffered loss and felt pain. I believe he is the son of God, and that he was sent to this earth to pay the debt of his brother and sisters sins. I am a sinner. I am imperfect.

I believe that God gave me a brain to think and question for myself what is and what is not true in this world. I do not believe in one true church over all the others. I believe there is good in every religion and I pull from each religion what my soul understands to be true. I have a strong belief in Karma, in that what good you put in this world will be reciprocated to you if not in this life, in the next. I believe that that good will only be valid if done from a loving place in your heart. (ie: bringing cookies to a homeless shelter with a snarky sneer on your face as you judge them for their life's decisions will not count.)

I'm not trying to preach to anyone, I am simply writing out my own beliefs as I have come to understand and feel them in my heart. I strive to act in love towards EVERY person I meet. As Christ says in Matthew 25:40....

 "And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

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Loving him because he is imperfect.

The other day I posted a status on Facebook about my husband Jason. It read as follows..

"I am so incredibly lucky to have Jason Oestreich as my husband. I NEVER have to ask him to wash dishes, or take out the trash, because he does it before I even notice it needs to be cleaned. He is supportive, loving, hilarious, and now more than ever we have our communication skills honed. He even takes the kids in the early morning so I can sleep in a few hours extra after being up with them at night, and he does this almost every morning. He texts me all day just to ask how we are doing at home, and encourages me to go out with friends. You guys.. I am SO incredibly blessed. I just can't love him enough.. I am so lucky."

It is so incredible to me as each day goes by how I am falling in love with my husband all over again. I've decided that love is cyclical, flowing in the shape of a spiral. There are times when it twists up, when I hug him a little tighter, for no reason, or smell him and don't want to say good bye as he leaves for work, and then there are times when it tips down, where I am so busy that I hardly have time to put his needs on my brain. But I continue to love him.  

Today he picked up an order from Chipotle for us to eat for lunch and as I rattled off how I wanted my burrito bowl, he laughed and went to get a pen and paper. "Your orders are always so complicated!" he said. I recoiled, no they're not! I fed the kids, and began cleaning the house and he came home at 1:30pm, just enough time to drop off my food, give Hunter and Emma a kiss goodbye (me too) and leave for work. I sat down after feeding Emma to eat my own lunch and realized he got the wrong salsa. (Gah! Seriously?! He wrote it down!) Then my brain went "Whoa.... slow down hormonal crazy person... not only did he get you an awesome lunch.. he also put three things on it that you FORGOT to tell him you wanted..eh? You wanna try and calm down now?? Seriously.. just be glad he wasn't here for this ridiculous display of ungratefulness." Thanks brain.. thanks for the reality check.  I am constantly catching myself complaining in my thoughts about stupid little things that are NOT EVEN CLOSE to being worth complaining about. 

I am finding that I love him more intensely, more completely today than I loved him on our wedding day. Seeing him as a father, and as a provider is the sexiest thing I have ever seen on him. Oh that and blue jeans and no shirt...wow! Hahahaha ok... I'll stop.

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