To start off.. I am a member of an online community for mothers and
expectant mothers. I have been spending a lot of time on the "Trying to
Conceive" board. Its a nice way to talk to other women who plan on
having more children. Spending so much time on that board, I saw a very
upsetting trend. Many of the posts were from women trying to get
pregnant with their boyfriends. They would say things like "My bf and I
have been trying to get pregnant for 4 months.." or "I think I am
finally pregnant, can't wait to tell my bf!" So I posted a thread on the
site titled "Trying to conceive with boyfriend?? Confused." and here is
how it went....
By: MrsOstrike
Member since Dec 18, 2011
Posted: Jan 27, 2012
I am not trying to hate or be unkind with this post. I am simply confused. I dont understand why so many people are actively trying to have a baby and are not married? Some people would argue "its just a piece of paper..so what" I would argue, its not a puece of paper, its a symbol of eternal commitment, and if u cannot commit to each other for eternity, how can we believe that the home you will raise this gift in will be stable? Polital and religious views aside, the home you will be bringing your child into is one of mild commitment. Yes married households can be unstable and unhappy as well, but I am not trying to say its perfect. To me, it is setting your child up for garunteed insecurities. That is simply my opinion and I am so confused why marriage and family seem to be loosing its value in these latter days.
Here are some of the responses I got...
"i think some people just dont see the point anymore. you have to pay money for a paper that says your together. but they also need to think about the future [sp] when you so passes the next of kin will get money and all his stuff well if your not married that all goes to brothers and sisters (or parents) of theres. you want get as much back on taxes... just stuff like that. idk i got married last year and it really didnt change anything for me i just paid 6,000 bucks for a shiny pice of paper... not my smartest move. but i loved my wedding so i guess its okay. lols"
"i agree that marriage in itself doesn't mean much anymore. its a personal choice and has no bearing on ones level of commitment to another. honestly, its pretty much a joke these days."
the responses go on and on.. So this is what I wrote in response to their comments...
MrsOstrike
By: MrsOstrike
Member since Dec 18, 2011
Posted: about 17 hours ago
I knew a lot of people would post and disagree with that I wrote. I want to add again...since I already wrote this but I guess people missed this...that I am not judging whether or not u are a good parent as a single mom..i know a lot of women who have raised children on their own..and I am not attacking those who choose to not be married. I do think it is sad that marriage has become something people bash and avoid. I fully love and support the women on this site of all backgrounds and races, religions and family situations bc we are all sisters rejoicing in the gift of our children. But I will always feel saddened at the thought of couples who refuse to commit to each other. I just felt like having a discussion. And again...yes, we are all here for support. :)
the responses continue...
"Me and my bf have been together almost 7 years and we are ttc, we do plan to Marry in the future but we just don't feel it's a "must" before we have children. And we would rather spend our money on other important things right now. If two people love one another and they are good people, they can bring up there children just as well as a married couple can. My mum and dad got a divorce wen I was 9 after being together for 20 yrs. watching them go through a divorce was horrific and heart breaking. And I would never want my children to hav to go through wat I went through.sometimes marraige doesnt turn out all that great yano, In my eyes it's just a piece of paper, me and my bf don't need a piece of paper to say we're in love. That's just my take on it :)"
"Not something that keeps me up at night to be honest! If i see a family having a great time ... Lets say down the park.... My first instinct is to smile and think.. Nice! I dont find myself standing there thinking, 'well they look happy! But i bloody hope they're married otherwise they're setting those kids up for some major insecurities!' i'm 27, have a daughter with my boyfriend (i clearly have no morals) of 10 years and we're planning number 2 with no intensions of getting married yet (shame on us!) own our own house, gots jobs yadayadayada etc! How d'you like them apples ;)"
"My child isn't going to ask "mommy why aren't you an daddy married" why is that? Because there is not a empty square on my wall where my marriage certificate is suppose to be.My child is going to see a committed relationship and their parents loving them and each other till they are old and gray.So why would they even think to ask?That was just hilarious to me...like there are mind reading baby geniuses out there who are just going to "feel" like there parents aren't married and feel the need to ask that question.My kids are going to look in photos albums with me an I am going to tell the story on how we met and all the adventures we had together.Pics of them when they where in Mommy's tummy and daddy was kissing her belly and when they were born and daddy is holding them.Setting my children up for insecurities.....right...marrying my DF(their daddy) because that was the only way I will know he will stay committed.That would be setting them up for insecurities....So even if they do grow up and we still arent married...They will be seeing the commitment...They are going to know I didnt make him stay with a ring/certficate...he stayed because he was devoted and committed to their mommy and our family.he chose to stay all the years of our life because he loved us."
After a loooong list of increasingly rude and ignorant responses I wrote this...
"I dont think a lot of you read my continued responses on this subject. I didnt want to offend, I was honestly curious, but I am not going to apologise for my opinion. I am a firm believer in the joy and covenant of marriage. I think it is irresponsible to bring a child into an unmarried relationship where u refuse to commit both legally and emotionally to each other, just as I think it is irresponsible to bring a child into an unhealthy marriage. I am not saying this to add fuel to a LOT of your fires, its obvious that a lot of u are defencive to your situations and maybe that bc there is some element of guilt there. But I am hoping you can all relax..on both sides, and know that I send u all my love and that I hope the children we do bring into this world know of our love for them above all else. I think we can all agree that is most important."
Now my final say... Marriage is ordained of GOD. There are no written statistics about how many men leave their gf's bc honestly that number would be astronomical compared to the 41% divorce rate. I hold to my opinion that marriage is a very Holy and beautiful thing. People who refuse to get married simply for the sake of making some statement make me physically upset...it IS setting your children up for insecurities and it will ultimately hurt your self esteem in the long run. Why wouldnt he want to commit to me for eternity? Why not make that commitment public and before God? I am soo sad at the apparent growing numbers of our generation who refuse to get married, or who even conciously bring children into that relationship. I'm not talking about women who become pregnant and deal with the situation as it comes, I'm talking about couples who TRY to get pregnant, fully aware that they are bringing a child into an unstable family. I knew my post would upset some people but I had NO idea it would get 84 replies...75 of which are against marriage. I was so sad to see that...Just had to voice my opinion.
By: MrsOstrike
Member since Dec 18, 2011
Posted: Jan 27, 2012
I am not trying to hate or be unkind with this post. I am simply confused. I dont understand why so many people are actively trying to have a baby and are not married? Some people would argue "its just a piece of paper..so what" I would argue, its not a puece of paper, its a symbol of eternal commitment, and if u cannot commit to each other for eternity, how can we believe that the home you will raise this gift in will be stable? Polital and religious views aside, the home you will be bringing your child into is one of mild commitment. Yes married households can be unstable and unhappy as well, but I am not trying to say its perfect. To me, it is setting your child up for garunteed insecurities. That is simply my opinion and I am so confused why marriage and family seem to be loosing its value in these latter days.
Here are some of the responses I got...
"i think some people just dont see the point anymore. you have to pay money for a paper that says your together. but they also need to think about the future [sp] when you so passes the next of kin will get money and all his stuff well if your not married that all goes to brothers and sisters (or parents) of theres. you want get as much back on taxes... just stuff like that. idk i got married last year and it really didnt change anything for me i just paid 6,000 bucks for a shiny pice of paper... not my smartest move. but i loved my wedding so i guess its okay. lols"
"i agree that marriage in itself doesn't mean much anymore. its a personal choice and has no bearing on ones level of commitment to another. honestly, its pretty much a joke these days."
the responses go on and on.. So this is what I wrote in response to their comments...
MrsOstrike
By: MrsOstrike
Member since Dec 18, 2011
Posted: about 17 hours ago
I knew a lot of people would post and disagree with that I wrote. I want to add again...since I already wrote this but I guess people missed this...that I am not judging whether or not u are a good parent as a single mom..i know a lot of women who have raised children on their own..and I am not attacking those who choose to not be married. I do think it is sad that marriage has become something people bash and avoid. I fully love and support the women on this site of all backgrounds and races, religions and family situations bc we are all sisters rejoicing in the gift of our children. But I will always feel saddened at the thought of couples who refuse to commit to each other. I just felt like having a discussion. And again...yes, we are all here for support. :)
the responses continue...
"Me and my bf have been together almost 7 years and we are ttc, we do plan to Marry in the future but we just don't feel it's a "must" before we have children. And we would rather spend our money on other important things right now. If two people love one another and they are good people, they can bring up there children just as well as a married couple can. My mum and dad got a divorce wen I was 9 after being together for 20 yrs. watching them go through a divorce was horrific and heart breaking. And I would never want my children to hav to go through wat I went through.sometimes marraige doesnt turn out all that great yano, In my eyes it's just a piece of paper, me and my bf don't need a piece of paper to say we're in love. That's just my take on it :)"
"Not something that keeps me up at night to be honest! If i see a family having a great time ... Lets say down the park.... My first instinct is to smile and think.. Nice! I dont find myself standing there thinking, 'well they look happy! But i bloody hope they're married otherwise they're setting those kids up for some major insecurities!' i'm 27, have a daughter with my boyfriend (i clearly have no morals) of 10 years and we're planning number 2 with no intensions of getting married yet (shame on us!) own our own house, gots jobs yadayadayada etc! How d'you like them apples ;)"
"My child isn't going to ask "mommy why aren't you an daddy married" why is that? Because there is not a empty square on my wall where my marriage certificate is suppose to be.My child is going to see a committed relationship and their parents loving them and each other till they are old and gray.So why would they even think to ask?That was just hilarious to me...like there are mind reading baby geniuses out there who are just going to "feel" like there parents aren't married and feel the need to ask that question.My kids are going to look in photos albums with me an I am going to tell the story on how we met and all the adventures we had together.Pics of them when they where in Mommy's tummy and daddy was kissing her belly and when they were born and daddy is holding them.Setting my children up for insecurities.....right...marrying my DF(their daddy) because that was the only way I will know he will stay committed.That would be setting them up for insecurities....So even if they do grow up and we still arent married...They will be seeing the commitment...They are going to know I didnt make him stay with a ring/certficate...he stayed because he was devoted and committed to their mommy and our family.he chose to stay all the years of our life because he loved us."
After a loooong list of increasingly rude and ignorant responses I wrote this...
"I dont think a lot of you read my continued responses on this subject. I didnt want to offend, I was honestly curious, but I am not going to apologise for my opinion. I am a firm believer in the joy and covenant of marriage. I think it is irresponsible to bring a child into an unmarried relationship where u refuse to commit both legally and emotionally to each other, just as I think it is irresponsible to bring a child into an unhealthy marriage. I am not saying this to add fuel to a LOT of your fires, its obvious that a lot of u are defencive to your situations and maybe that bc there is some element of guilt there. But I am hoping you can all relax..on both sides, and know that I send u all my love and that I hope the children we do bring into this world know of our love for them above all else. I think we can all agree that is most important."
Now my final say... Marriage is ordained of GOD. There are no written statistics about how many men leave their gf's bc honestly that number would be astronomical compared to the 41% divorce rate. I hold to my opinion that marriage is a very Holy and beautiful thing. People who refuse to get married simply for the sake of making some statement make me physically upset...it IS setting your children up for insecurities and it will ultimately hurt your self esteem in the long run. Why wouldnt he want to commit to me for eternity? Why not make that commitment public and before God? I am soo sad at the apparent growing numbers of our generation who refuse to get married, or who even conciously bring children into that relationship. I'm not talking about women who become pregnant and deal with the situation as it comes, I'm talking about couples who TRY to get pregnant, fully aware that they are bringing a child into an unstable family. I knew my post would upset some people but I had NO idea it would get 84 replies...75 of which are against marriage. I was so sad to see that...Just had to voice my opinion.
